


A Light to Follow in the Darkness

by TiamatZX



Series: Memoirs of Vax and Keyleth [5]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Scene Expansion, Scene Re-enactment, brief mention of Vax/Gilmore, seeking comfort, spoilers through episode 42
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-12 05:24:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11155137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiamatZX/pseuds/TiamatZX
Summary: Keyleth and Vax’ildan find comfort amidst the chaos of the fall of Emon.A fic to celebrate 100 episodes of Critical Role. Set during Episode 42, “Dangerous Dealings”.





	A Light to Follow in the Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to take the portion of Episode 42 from “Birds of a Feather” and decided to expand on it. This was, of course, inspired by a very popular piece by Wendy Sullivan Green, aka @WendyDoodles on Twitter. “Because she is the sunlight”, indeed.
> 
> This is also my contribution for the 100th episode celebration of Critical Role. Please leave kudos and comments.
> 
> Also, this fic may be subject to edits in the future.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was nighttime in Greyskull Keep, what survivors that remained from the attack on Emon resting as best they could before they would eventually be sent to Whitestone. It wouldn’t be easy due to the cruel reality that was placed upon them, with a gargantuan red dragon claiming the city as its domain. And what’s worse, there were three other dragons out there, no doubt laying claim to so many other cities and destroying so many lives.

The mere thought of being powerless and unable to face them shook Vax’ildan to the core as he was preparing for bed, pacing back and forth in his room. Everything had gotten extremely complicated ever since the party returned from Whitestone. Not only did they manage to have their names cleared of wrongdoing, but also they had to hunt down a traitor to the council. And even after that, after raiding Krieg’s old home, he found himself doubting his place amongst the group, especially after he and Grog had such a huge argument.

And then Uriel announced his resignation from the position of Sovereign, during which the dragons attacked. Three ancient wyrms—one black, one white, one green—led by a fourth, a gargantuan red. As if that weren’t enough, after surviving the assault of the white dragon yesterday, Allura revealed what he had feared: the red dragon, Thordak, was the one who killed his and Vexahlia’s mother years ago.

The party went into the city to look for survivors and managed to do so by finding Uriel’s family, Sherri, and Gilmore, the latter of whom was on death’s door. Vax especially felt such deep guilt over seeing his dear friend in such a state, especially after their previous conversation in the speakeasy after dealing with Daxio where he told the glorious shopkeeper that he was in love with Keyleth while not mentioning her name. He nearly died protecting Uriel’s family. Vax wished that he was there by his side to the very end, to make up for breaking his heart.

 _No,_ Vax told himself, _you would’ve died as well. If you died, what would have happened to Vex and the others?_

Vax sighed heavily. He felt useless about everything that was happening around him. And then there was the issue of the Clasp now being their enemies. As far as he was concerned, even with the temptation of having information provided to them, the Clasp could kindly fuck off. After he was forced to join to protect his sister, and after their previous dealings with them, an alliance was not worth it. He knew how they operated; there was no guarantee that they would be completely true to their word. And even if they were, there was still the very real possibility of betrayal as soon as the terms were settled.

A part of him at the time felt relieved when Keyleth shared her concerns about the proposed alliance. That support only further reminded him of how much in love he was with her. However, he reminded himself to give her space and let her choose for herself. After the blunder he had made in Whitestone of kissing her while delirious, he made sure to be much more mindful of her boundaries. He was also thankful of the new mark she had left on his back where the Clasp tattoo once was. He looked behind him at his reflection and saw it there: a gnarled handprint just below the shoulder. Gnarled yet still beautiful, much like the person who gave it to him.

Sighing, he decided to step out of his room and go check on the refugees before turning in. He especially wanted to check in with Pike about how Gilmore was doing. So he headed downstairs to where they were all gathered. Within a minute of two he could make out the familiar white locks of Pike Trickfoot, out of her armor and conversing with Shaun Gilmore as he lay on a makeshift cot, his robes still damaged from when he had fought Thordak.

“Pike?”

Pike looked towards where Vax was standing, then she turned to Gilmore who nodded at her. She then nodded back as she walked over to where Vax waited for her.

“Hey, Vax. What are you doing down here? Shouldn’t you be resting?”

Vax shrugged. “I could say the same thing about you, Pickle. Uh, how’s Gilmore?”

Pike looked back to where Gilmore lay on the cot, the shopkeeper now resting peacefully and asleep.

“He’s doing much better now. He still needs a few days or so before he’s feeling like his old self.”

“I see,” Vax replied. He then let out a deep sigh and said, “I should probably leave him in your care going forward. I... don’t think he’d want me around.”

“Why?” she asked. “The two of you are pretty close.”

“Well,” Vax said to her, “when we last spoke after fighting Daxio... I told him something. Namely, that the two of us can’t exactly ‘do the dance’ anymore.”

Pike hesitated and then she nodded in understanding. “Go on.”

“The thing is... I’ve fallen in love with someone else, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him who. I... I just...”

“Is it Keyleth?” Pike asked him bluntly, which stopped Vax in his tracks.

“How did you know?”

Pike shrugged. “Well, you weren’t exactly being subtle around her based on what Vex told me. I hear you kissed her out of the blue.”

Vax groaned. “Damn you, Vex’ahlia... Always trying to make me uncomfortable.”

Pike let out a soft giggle at his expense. “Isn’t that what sisters are supposed to do?”

Vax said nothing as he had no way of refuting that point.

“Does Keyleth know yet?”

Vax nodded. “She does. But... I’m not even sure if she feels the same way. I did tell her that I’d wait for her to choose. And I don’t intend to force myself on her. It just wouldn’t be right.”

Pike nodded and paused for a moment, thinking about something. If nothing else, Pike was an amazing woman in her own right for someone so small in stature. Vax always found himself in awe of her kindness and her power. It was those facets of herself that started to inspire Vax into following in her footsteps. And, gods willing, one day he would do just that.

“Well, I’m not sure what to say about that,” Pike admitted. “But I do know that we’re dealing with so much on our plates at this very moment. Have you figured out what our next move is?”

“We’re thinking of going to Vasselheim, to recruit the Slayer’s Take into assisting us. Unlike the Clasp, we can trust them.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Pike agreed. “Maybe you could convince the Platinum Sanctuary for aid as well. I’m sure Lady Kima may be chomping at the bit for some action, too.”

Vax smiled at that. It’d been a while since they met the halfling paladin of Bahamut. If nothing else, her strength would indeed be a valuable asset. Besides, he knew that she should be informed of what happened to Allura after they parted ways in Emon, considering how close they were.

“Anyway,” Vax said to Pike, “I probably should try to get some sleep. Do take care of Gilmore for me, okay? And... please don’t mention what I said. I’m not sure how he’d take hearing it from someone else.”

“I understand,” Pike replied. “However, you have to promise me that you’ll smooth things over with him eventually.”

“I promise, Pike.”

Pike nodded at Vax’s answer. “Okay then. Please do try to get some sleep, Vax. Good night.”

“Good night.”

As Pike walked back into the room to check on more of the refugees, Vax started to make his way back upstairs feeling weary and exhausted. Tomorrow, they would send everyone else to Whitestone and then they could plan their next move. The Conclave had to be stopped, but they knew they couldn’t do the job by themselves. They needed allies. And Vasselheim seemed to be the perfect place to find some.

As Vax found himself in the hallway that contained the doors to their rooms, a part of him still felt anxious. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get to sleep that easily. He was still so very scared of what may still lay ahead for Vox Machina. So thus, he decided to seek someone out and he made a choice as he approached the door to his room... and passed by it altogether, making his way to another door. If anything, she’d be able to help him cope with what was happening.

At least, that was his hope. 

* * *

 

Keyleth placed her circlet on the table as she leaned against the wall of her room clad in her nightgown, still shaken from the events of yesterday when the dragons attacked and just a few hours before. She could still recall the sheer amount of terror in the eyes of the people, and even in the eyes of her companions, when the Conclave descended. So many people had died, and now those who were left had a choice to either serve Thordak and live or resist and die. There were still many within the city that wanted to live to see another day, even if it was under the watchful eye of a great red wyrm. Therefore they pilfered every home they could find of riches and valuables, all for pleasing the Cinder King.

Sleep would not come easy for her, or for anyone inside the keep. It was rather tragic that less than three weeks ago, they had liberated Whitestone from the Briarwoods. The people cheered for their new heroes, something that Keyleth silently hated about herself. She never considered herself a hero due to the atrocities she had done both as an individual and as a part of Vox Machina. Many times in the past, she felt as if nothing she said truly mattered as long as the ends justified the means. It was that way of thinking that she couldn’t even begin to understand nor embrace.

And then, shortly after the Conclave attacked, they sought out the Clasp. And Percy — godsdamned  ** _Percival_**  — wanted to strike an accord with them, asking for the aid of their vast intelligence network and for them to aid the citizens of Emon. And in exchange, they wanted entry into Vasselheim among other things. And while Percy and Scanlan were eager to make the deal, the rest of them voiced their disapproval. To Keyleth, it was not worth the cost. That, and Vasselheim itself already had trustworthy allies. And when Vax more or less stated that he wanted nothing to do with the Clasp, that was it. They became enemies.

She was so upset at Percy, especially since he was quick to pin the blame on her for the deal being refused. He had gone on and on about how she supposedly thought she was better than them. But she knew better. She knew that the deal was not worth the risk. And besides, there was no guarantee that the Clasp would truly honor their end of the bargain. After all, they could have just as easily killed them or presented them as offerings to Thordak just to save their own hides.

_You always were my total opposite, Percy. I love you still, but I swear to Sarenrae, your attempts at being clever are going to get either you killed or all of us killed. It’s only a matter of time._

Keyleth sighed heavily. As far as she was concerned, she knew that an alliance with the Clasp would be horrible going forward. She tended to consider possible scenarios and how they would transpire in the future, many of which were very bad. This was one of them.

As she sat down at her desk, glancing at her alchemy book and resisting the urge to pore through it, her thoughts wandered to her companions. They were all at the end of their rope, even Grog. This was nothing like what they had faced before regarding the Underdark and the Briarwoods. This was on the level of a world-ending disaster. And everyone was feeling the strain, especially after having fought over the githyanki skull. To think that they were so closely knit, only to nearly be torn apart at the seams due to the temptation of the power that the entity within claimed to have. She silently thanked whomever would be listening that Allura was there to stop them from making another potential mistake.

“Hmph. I never thought I’d be thanking the gods for anything...“ Keyleth muttered to herself.

As she stood up and walked to her bed, she heard a soft knock on her door. Wondering who it was this late at night, she approached the door. For all she knew, it was Laina or Erwen coming to let her know about the remaining refugees and the needs they would require. She also considered that it could be someone completely different, such as one of their guards.

Keyleth opened the door slowly and cautiously, not sure as to who was out there... and her eyes widened a little upon seeing a familiar individual leaning against the wall, wearing little more than a common cloth black shirt and simple trousers. His shoulders were slumped, his brow was furrowed, and his eyes slowly looking up once he’d heard the door creak open.

_Vax._

“Hi,” was all Keyleth could say as he stood there, unsure as to whatever else she could say.

“Hi,” Vax responded, and not without a quiver to his voice.

A small part of her was actually hoping that he would show up. For as long as she could remember, she often thought of the half-elf rogue in her dreams, long before he had confessed to her during the raid of Castle Whitestone. Since the confession a few weeks back, she had been utterly confused and more than a little afraid to talk to him about anything. The sudden dragon attack certainly didn’t help matters either, as she grew increasingly scared of Vax’s unusual behavior whenever Thordak was brought up, as out of all of them, Vax and Vex had been the most shaken by Thordak’s existence.

It was almost as if they considered this entire situation very personal.

Keyleth was about to speak again when Vax quickly asked her, “I don’t want to be alone tonight. Do you?”

The way he had said it sounded desperate and full of need. It was as if he was reading her mind. After all, she had said when they last had a meaningful conversation alone that she often thought of him as she fell asleep. She truly and deeply cared about him despite having told him that she was afraid.

“I haven’t been wanting to be alone most nights,” Keyleth admitted as she stepped away from the door.

Vax then let himself in as she closed the door. As she did so, Vax walked further into the room and simply stood there, his back to her.

“Vax... how are you?”

Still not turning to face her, he replied, “I feel like shit. In fact, that’s what everything we’ve been through lately feels like.”

Keyleth nodded to herself. “Yeah, I know. But... I’m glad you’re here. And I’m glad you’re still around.”

Vax finally turned around, and when he did, Keyleth could see tears falling down his face.

“Vax?”

The rogue’s head drooped low as he said, “I’m glad you are as well, Kiki. However, I didn’t come here to force your hand. I still mean what I said back at the Sun Tree.”

She nodded. “I know. And I thank you for that. Still, I’m glad that I don’t have to face the rest of this night by myself. After all, you’re here.”

Vax smiled a little at that. “What do you think? About this whole situation?”

Keyleth could only shake her head. “I don’t know. This is unlike anything we had faced before. We’re dealing with very powerful creatures that can easily kill us should they so please. I mean, you saw what the green one did, right? All those people died when she breathed on them. All I could think about was running away. I couldn’t... **_We_** couldn’t save any of them. Even those of the Fire Ashari were...”

She was shaking from seeing all those charred bodies amidst the wrecked village. To think that she was there not a month ago. It was so peaceful despite being close to a caldera. And now... it was gone.

Vax stepped forward and told her while looking into her eyes, “I know.”

Keyleth met his gaze and then, unable to hold back her tears, quickly pulled him into a tight embrace. “I’m scared, Vax. I’m so scared.”

Vax returned the embrace. “Same here. But at least I have Vex’ahlia. I have the others. And... I have you.”

Despite the overwhelming sadness filling her heart, Keyleth still found the capacity to smile at those words. “I feel the same way, Vax.”

Not sure of what else to do next, Keyleth motioned towards her bed. Vax nodded and they both lay atop it, pulling the covers over each other. Vax felt so warm, so full of life. In fact, she felt safe holding him in her arms. And she was sure that he felt the same way.

“This brings back memories,” Vax mentioned.

“Of what?” Keyleth asked.

“When we couldn’t afford rooms for everyone back in the day. We used to bunk up and share rooms. Oftentimes, I found myself sharing a room with Vex. But... this feels much different.”

Keyleth smiled a little. “It does. Maybe it’s because of how much we... care about each other.”

She paused for a moment before asking, “Hey, Vax?”

“Yes?”

“Do you mind if I... kissed you?”

The sudden request seemingly left him at a loss for words. Granted, it was a rather bold request coming from her, but after having received her first from Kashaw and then a sudden kiss from him in Whitestone, she wanted to know what it felt like if she were the one to do so to begin with.

“Why?”

“I... I just want to know what it feels like,” she replied.

Vax was thinking things over, and then he gave a slow nod. “From you, Kiki? Certainly.”

She smiled at that. “You’re so silly, Vax. But... you’re also very kind.”

And with that, she braced herself and gently kissed him. It was a slow and steady kiss, but somehow it felt right for her to do this. A part of her knew that she couldn’t allow herself to fall in love with him due to her fear, but in this moment, she felt as if she could put that fear aside.

When she finally broke the kiss, she breathed heavily as did Vax.

“That... That was...” Vax said to her, his words faltering.

“Was that... good for you?” she asked nervously.

Vax smiled at her. “I don’t see how it could’ve been bad.”

Keyleth nodded in response. “Thanks. I was feeling really nervous about it. Anyway, we better get to sleep, don’t you think?”

“We should. Good night, Keyleth.”

She smiled as his eyes slowly closed and he fell asleep. “Good night, Vax’ildan.”

They then both fell into deep slumber, the two of them holding each other tightly in fear of losing the other. A new day would dawn for them tomorrow, one where they were uncertain as to what lay ahead, but for now, despite the chaos and sadness and misery, they found a brief moment of peace together in each others’ arms.

_I do know you’re in love with me, Vax’ildan._

_And... I love you, too._

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 100 episodes, Critical Role!


End file.
